|
 The Importance of Routines
By Liza Asher
http://www.clubmom.com
At 8:30 p.m. at the Osborne
family house in Burlington, Vermont, an exemplary bedtime process is
underway. The three children are upstairs changing into their pajamas,
brushing their teeth, and settling into their beds to read. There is
remarkably little protest or variation. "Bedtime is the one area where
our routine has not wavered," says mom Eleanor. "Since the boys were
toddlers, we've been doing the same thing, and now it's automatic. This
is usually the calmest period our day."
Regular schedules provide the
day with a framework that orders a young child's world. Although
predictability can be tedious for adults, children thrive on sameness
and repetition. "Knowing what to expect from relationships and
activities helps children become more confident," says Dr. Peter
Gorski, assistant professor of pediatrics at Harvard Medical School in
Cambridge, Massachussetts.
Routines begin from the first
days of life, says Susan Newman, a social psychologist in New Jersey,
affecting the relationship between parent and child, setting the stage
for rocky or smooth sailing as your child gets older. Babies,
especially, need regular sleep and meal schedules and even routines
leading up to those activities (a story every day before nap- or
bedtime, for example).
As she gets older, when a child
knows what is going to happen and who is going to be there, it allows
her to think and feel more boldly and freely, Gorski adds. When a child
does not know what to expect, his internal alarms go off. Ultimately,
parents benefit as well: "Knowing what is expected cuts down on
parenting struggles," says Jodi Mindell, child psychologist and author
of Sleeping through the Night (HarperCollins).
Tips for Implementing
Routines
Plan regular mealtimes:
"It is so valuable to the developing spirit of children to have one
meal together each day as a family," Gorski says. Sitting together at
the dinner table gives children the opportunity to share their day's
experience and get support for whatever they're feeling. The emphasis
is on togetherness, so if your children need to eat earlier, at least
give them dessert while you eat your meal. This is also an ideal time
to introduce routines that give children responsibility, such as
setting or clearing the table. Older children can be pre-dinner helpers
and washer-uppers.
Wind down before bed:
Consistent nightly rituals are soothing and take the battle out of
bedtime. But after an exhausting day, it's tempting to skip the
preliminaries when bedtime finally approaches. Don't, stresses Mindell:
"About 20 to 30 minutes of calm, soothing, and consistent activities
get children ready." Find what works best for your child—some children
are revved up by a bath or fidgety when listening to a story. Yours may
prefer doing a puzzle together or listening to music. For older
children, bedtime is an ideal time for conversation. My 12-year-old son
likes me to sit on his bed and talk for a few minutes before he goes to
sleep.
In general, make the room
conducive for sleep. Set aside a time each week for room cleanup
(another important routine!), when your child puts away toys and books
and you change the linens.
Be consistent but flexible:
Routines are essential, but allow some room for flexibility. Although
the Osborne family thought their bedtime routine was a blessing, there
have been some problems recently. "I was completely rigid about my
oldest son's bedtime, and he is now incapable of veering from that
routine. If we are out later than his bedtime, he becomes upset,"
Eleanor says.
Unexpected events, like
surprise guests or errands that cannot be postponed, may result in a
nap in the car seat or a skipped meal. But if we react with frustration
when this happens, our kids will, too. Try to prepare your child ahead
of time for the change and reassure them that things will return to
normal tomorrow.
Liza
Asher is a mother of four and writes on parenting issues for national
magazines. She lives in Montclair, New Jersey.
Copyright © 1999-2004
ClubMom, Inc. All rights reserved.
|
