A Portrait
by Andrea Simanson
What do you want your family to be like? 
What is it like right now? If you had to describe your
family or paint a picture of them, what would it look like?
Here’s a picture of our family. It’s actually a portrait.
Isn’t that a nice portrait? Don’t we all look nice, put
together, loving, caring, and peaceful?
A portrait is “posed.” We all know that it’s not a true
reflection of what life is like most of the time.
NOW, what most people DO know about this portrait is that
likely the 30 minutes prior to having it taken was not a most peaceful
time. You know the story . . . “Mom, I can’t find the white
shirt!!!” “Did you look in your closet?” “Yeah!”
“Well, I pressed it this morning before we left and hung it in
your closet,” saying this as you walk through the house into your
8-year old’s bedroom. You find him on the floor with some army
toys or puzzle pieces (no evidence whatsoever that he’s actually used
his eyes to “look” into the closet). Your husband is sitting at
the table reviewing the mail, checking email, paying a bill online,
flipping on the TV to check the score of tonight’s game (“unwinding” as
we call it), and your 10-year old daughter approaches you wanting an
opinion about her attire and hair style, but you know that you really
don’t have the time to pull the pony tail out and brush through every
strand of hair, let alone the time it would take to style a french
braid or put a fancy hair clip in. Your 2-year old is sitting at
the table eating his pre-dinner snack so he can get through the photo
shoot “cooperatively” with a smile on his face. “Why did we pick
the 6:30pm timeslot” I ask myself in the midst of all the other
questions running through my head. “Oh, yeah, it was the only
time left on the schedule, and I decided it was important to have a
family portrait done.” “Why? Because we’ve never had one and all
of our relatives need to see what we look like! That’s why.”
Okay, okay, and we need one because “doesn’t every family have a
family portrait!”
“Mom, what about socks!” “Just make sure they’re dark so
we don’t have “white socks” in the picture! “I don’t have any
clean dark socks.” “Well, put dirty dark socks on then!” At
this point the anger management class is sounding like a good
idea.
You are really trying to keep it all together because you want
everyone in a good mood for the picture now, don’t you???
Finally, it’s 6:10 p.m., and you want to leave so you can be a
bit early, and you say “Okay everyone, it’s time to head to the van.”
You glance one more time in the mirror to discover that you need
to touch up your makeup and, oh well, I wanted to curl it, but the hair
will just have to do. At as is. You’re having thoughts like
“Well, the Carlson family picture turned out so perfect; the kids were
so cute and CLEAN and NEAT. Why can’t we be the same?” As
you grab your purse and head for the garage, you stumble over your
2-year old who, playing in the cat dish, has his own food on the front
of his shirt now and all over his face. You decide the most
efficient thing to do is to grab a handiwipe for the face and a vest to
throw over the stained shirt (you grab an extra shirt, just in case).
You notice that your husband has on two shades of green that
clash so you tell him “That clashes!” and he says “No it doesn’t” and
you calmly say “Yes, honey, it does.” So you both quickly change
your entire outfits so at the very least the two of you will still
“match” for the portrait. All this happens, even after planning
out the entire wardrobe for the family the night before. What
happened? I was so organized and had a plan.
Well, you may be saying “That’s not our family.”
If you can’t relate with any of the above, you may want to do
another search or hit the back key to find whatever information you
started looking for. But, if you can relate, and you’ve
experienced similar family life situations, then keep on reading . .
.
My point in all of this: Life is hectic at times, but it
doesn’t have to rule our hearts, thoughts and actions. Stress
will happen, but do we let it control us? This is one personal family
situation that I share with you because it was a landmark in my life
that started me down a path to change some things. Obviously,
planning ahead always helps, but sometimes even when we plan ahead,
things fall apart. The key is how you react or respond in those
“fall apart” situations.
I believe that you can take charge of your life and be
the family you want to be.
What’s a typical day like in your family?
Paint a picture of your family with words (or, if you’re a
visual person, go ahead and get the crayons out :)
Is it . . . full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
gentleness? Is it purposeful, organized, unified, a force that
cannot be stopped.
OR is it . . . full of anxiety, uncertainty, bitterness,
fighting. It is hurried, scattered, disorganized, always in a
panic, everyone going their own separate ways with no sense of “family”
as we know it should be?
Whatever you want it to be, you have the power to make it
so. So, start today, by choosing a good attitude even in the
midst of difficult circumstances. It will make a difference in your
family.
We could talk about family routines, family social events,
family chores, family relationships . . . we could go on and on about
the family. And that’s what this article and subsequent articles
intend to do. Talk about family life issues -- not from a
professional perspective, not from a medical practitioner perspective
or a psychologist’s perspective, but simply from one woman’s
perspective – a wife, and mother of three, who works outside the home,
and spends time in ministry at her church. The perspective
I’m interested in sharing is not intended to replace advice given by
doctors or lawyers or counselors . . . it’s intended to reach out and
relate with you, to provide support and understanding, to help with
practical living, to network you with people or resources in areas of
interest, to provide a real-life example of a woman being strengthened
spiritually, emotionally, and physically and to help others be
strengthened similarly.
Andrea Simanson is a wife
and mother of three children, and the website and ezine editor of
Successful Family
Chores - Putting FUN and ENERGY into everyday tasks.
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