Consequences

Let Consequences Work for You
Copyright © 2006 Andrea Simanson
All Rights Reserved

When asked to give tips about chores, here's what kids said:

Let them have privileges if they do their chores.
Reward them if they do their chores on time.
Punish them if they don't do their chores.
Tell them that if they want to watch TV, they should get their chores done.
Let them do something fun when they get their chores done.

Based on the comments of the kids above, it's apparent that kids want clear expectations and boundaries. They want to do what's expected of them. They want privileges and are willing to work for them. They don't want negative consequences, and will work to avoid those too.

With that in mind, let's talk about our parenting approach to chores. If we tend to nag our kids to do their chores, or we find ourself yelling at them because their chores aren't done, it's time to make a change. We need to consider again why we expect kids to help with keeping the home in order. It's as much for their sake as it is our own. We need to remind ourselves that they want to help, and then be proactive as parents in planning and implementing privileges and consequences, because kids associate these things with chores accomplishment.

When I interviewed kids for the chore tips this week, it reminded me of this important principle in parenting: let consequences do the training.

We tend to forget that consequences are good. When we let the consequence work for us, we are simply training our children to make right choices. When we nag or yell, we are not training our children. However, when we enforce a consequence, we train our child to make right choices.

Now this is easier said than done. I know because I'm a parent of three and it takes work to enforce a consequence. First of all, it takes work to think of a consequence and communicate it ahead of time to the children. If we haven't told them there will be a consequence, we can't just spring it on them when we feel like it. Second, it takes work to enforce
a consequence because we have to follow through. We resort to nagging or yelling because it is actually easier to nag than to follow through with a consequence.

Consequences work for us as parents. Removing privileges works for us as parents. The following methods can help us as we work with our kids in the area of chores!

Examples of adding and removing privileges:
1. If you get your chore list done by (insert time), you can watch a movie.
2. If you don't get your chore list done by (insert time), you lose the privilege of watching a movie.
3. After you put away your toys, you can come have a snack.
4. If your room is cleaned up, you can have a friend over to play.

Examples of consequences:
1. If you don't get your chores done by (insert time), you will have a chore added to your list.
3. If your room does not get cleaned up, you can't have a friend over to play.
4. If you don't keep the car clean and fueled, you don't get to drive it.

Thinking of and communicating these examples is not the hard part. The hard part is when you have to follow through and enforce the rules. Stay calm and let the privilege or consequence work for you.

For example, if Johnny hasn't cleaned the car, you can say "I'm sorry, son, you haven't met your end of the bargain, so you don't get to drive the car until you do your part."

With younger children, it's very simple: do this, get this privilege; don't do this, get this consequence. We teach them at a very young age to associate chores with responsibility and privileges. Then, we continue to train them in these areas as they grow and mature. The principles remain the same, though our approach will change slightly each year as they get older and start to make choices for themselves. The older our children get, the more we need to release them to make choices on their own. We guide and direct them, but they need the freedom to choose, whether they succeed or fail. They reap the benefits or suffer the consequences of their success or failure. Our role is to love and train them through these things.

Andrea Simanson is a wife and mother of three children, and the website and ezine editor of Successful Family Chores - Putting FUN and ENERGY into everyday tasks. For a regular dose of family organizational ideas, sign up for Successful Family Chores free bi-monthly newsletter by clicking here.

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